just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
