Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
