JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
