what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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