I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
