It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
