I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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