He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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