I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize