ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
