the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
