kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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