Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I would fuck him just for his dog
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
