I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
