I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
