I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
