Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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