i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
