stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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