Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
