i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
