youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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