For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
