Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize