Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
