You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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