it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
