Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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