I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
