Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
