I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize