I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
