Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize