I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
