If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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