How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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