Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
