I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
