I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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