he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize