Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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