Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
