theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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