I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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