Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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