his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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