She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
