I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she told me i tasted like america
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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