since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
