You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
