I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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