I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
