The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
