Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
