i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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