im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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