oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
