We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
