Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
