I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
should my penis look like a turkey
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
