dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
