Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
