Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
