If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
