Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
