all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
