i'm signing you up for texting rehab
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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