There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
