whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
