if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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