The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
