We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
