I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
