he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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