I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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