Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
