dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
