he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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