The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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