her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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