hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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